Thursday, August 11, 2011

Relationship 101 with MeMpHiTz

This morning I talked to Antonia "Toya" Wright's Husband, Mickey "MeMpHiTz" Wright about EVERYTHING a girl would need to know about relationship-wise, coming from a man's point of view. Toya and MeMpHiTz relationship seems so perfect on Toya's Reality Tv Show, Toya: A Family Affair. Toya's so sweet and MeMpHiTz seems like the perfect guy. I often hear different women saying that are happy for Toya and asking "where can they get a man like that?" Coming from THAT man himself, MeMpHiTz breaks down everything from what men love about women to what they hate; what to look for and what to stay away from; from the first time he laid eyes on Toya to the oh-so embarrassing moment of her 'tooting' in his face! Read&Indulge as we get the scoop on Relationships and Men from the seemingly 'perfect' man. But he will be the first to tell you that. "Perfect does not exist".

I: Alot of women are getting to the point where they are looking for "The Perfect Guy" or "The Perfect Person", they are looking to settle down, and everyone associates you with being the perfect guy ever since you've married Toya! So I was like, you would be the perfect person to give everyone pointers, and tips and stuff.
M: Okay, well, can I say my first thing?
I: Yes?
M: Perfect does not exist. *laughs* Iight? That's my first thing, First Rule 101. Perfect does not exist.

I: Okay *laughs* Well let me start with the most obvious question. What should a women look for in a man?
M: I think what a woman should look for in a man is sincerity, and experience. Just the fact that he's been out there and he knows this is where he should be. If she feels like he's hasn't really lived his life or he hasn't really ,you know, done things that he feels he should have done as a man already, she should watch out because as a man he's gonna live his life. You got some men that come up different than others. Most women I find adapt to bad boys or they kinda adapt to men that remind them of their fathers, or if their father wasn’t around maybe they’re looking for a man to fill in that spot. You know I think that all women are looking for different things in a man based on how they came up in this world, and what they were taught to look for in a man, I feel like every case is different. Kinda like, a girl who grew up without her dad is looking for a father figure in a male. A girl that grew up with her dad is probably looking for a man that acts like her dad, or reminds her of her dad or the way her dad takes care of the home or whatever, you know, a girl that is used to being around good guys might crave a bad guy, or a girl that used to being around bad boys wants a good guy and gets the good guy and is like “He’s too nice, ehh I don’t like this.” So its kinda like it’s a lot of different things based on how a woman came up ,the things that she would be looking for in a man. I feel like a woman is looking for either what’s she’s used to or what she is missing in a man, depending on how she came up.

I: You said something about a woman looking for a man that had experience or lived his life. What did you mean by that?
M: I mean like, like me, I feel like I’ve done everything. The girls, everything, like I’ve done a lot of things in my life, I’ve been a certain way my whole life. So like, once I’ve been there.. sometimes it take a couple of wrong experiences for you to realize that the right experience is right in your face. And with a lot of men on the come up really our first thought is “How many women can we have sexually before we die”, that’s really I think how the normal man is thinking before he really thinks “It’s not all about sex, it’s not all about certain things”, it comes a time when a man is like “You know what? I need something real”, he starts to think about times when he had his mother around, and how it was, how his mom kept the house together, how mom handles everything, how his mom made the house into a home. You know what I mean? In a certain part of a dude’s life when he starts to feel the deficiency he’s like, “Wait a minute. I’m having fun with these girls but it’s not really filling that hole in my soul.” And once you been in so many situations or that one wrong situation, and it showed you exactly what you DON’T want out of a relationship, it makes it easier to see the one you DO want when it comes by.

I: Oh ok, I get what you’re saying.
M: Yeah, you can’t always put two people together and think it’s just gonna work. If they’ve been through the right WRONG things? Then when the right thing comes along then they both cherish it to the point where it’s like “I know what the f*cked up sh*t is like. I know what the bad sh*t feels like. And this right here doesn’t feel like that. You just watch it, you know? Time will tell. Like when people first meet usually that ‘representative’.. you can’t really tell who that real person is. You gotta give it some time. A few months, maybe even years, before that real person comes out. The representative pulls you in but you gotta know when that real person comes out, that real person that will make you stay around. Then you’ll know when you’ve got something real or not when that real person comes around.

I: What do you think are some red flags that women should look for in potential guys?
M: I don’t wanna get put out of the guy league for this. I’m tryna get my pass revoked around here? I’m not gonna be able to go nowhere. *laughs* A red flag.. SELFISHNESS. A real big thing. If a guy is all about himself? He’s probably not gonna hear what you are talking about. You know you gotta watch certain things. If he goes out to do certain things for himself is he always thinking about you? Does he always show you that he is thinking about you, if he doesn’t, that means he has other priorities. As far as the relationship goes, you have to figure out where you fit on his priority list. If you’re not at least in that top 3, I know most women want to be Number One but you know, being realistic you should probably check to see if you’re in that top 3. It could be God, it could be family, it could be me and you. As long as you’re in that Top 3? It should show how he feels about you. If you’re in the Top 5, you might want to worry about that. As long as you’re in the Top 3 , I think you have a pretty good guy on your hands. You don’t wanna guy that’s all about what he’s giving you, or how much money he has, you know, trying to pull you with the honey.

I: Now I know you and Toya have had at least one argument. How do y’all handle arguments with each other?
M: We get into little bitty arguments about little bitty stuff.  It’s never really big; we have a certain respect for each other that we grew for each other as friends. It’s like, we already kinda know how to move around each other. I know when she’s upset so I kinda know to stay out of the way, until the storm blows over, I don’t add fuel into the fire. We don’t add any fuel into the fire, we just let them blow over or we just try to work it out right then, and talk about it right then. We try to knock it out real fast and get rid of it before it turns into everything it didn’t have to be.

I: I remember reading in Sister 2 Sister Magazine that when you’ve seen Toya at a party you already knew that she was gonna be your wife. So does that mean you believe in “love at first sight”?
M: Yeah, I do. When I saw her it was like, I’ll say it was about a full second, a full second is a long time to look at somebody directly in their eyes, you know what I mean? So that’s kind of what we had the first time we saw each other. Like for a full second, everything stopped around us. I was with my friends, she was with a couple of her friends, and we saw each other for a full second. We kind of paused like, “What was that?” I do believe in love at first sight, I’ve even told her that. After I found her people started telling me who she was, this is before I had a show, before she had a show. We were just two normal people getting on this bus to go to this party. I was having T-Pain’s album release party in Los Angeles in The Hills. People were getting on the shuttle to go to The Hills, and that’s when I saw her. She was sitting behind me; I sat down first and she was trying to get by, and then we kinda locked for a minute. That started our 3 year friendship which turned into a marriage. We joked around about that for 3 years until it actually happened. We always stayed in touch until one day we were like “You know what? Let’s just go ahead and do this.” Like the Alicia Keys song.

I: Well how did you know that she was The One?
M: I don’t know! Something just happened in my stomach! I don’t know what that was, I was kinda scared of it, I was like “What the h*ll was that?” I didn’t fight it, I just kind of brushed it off. I had never really felt that feeling with another female before that feeling I felt when I saw her, I was l like, I  don’t know what it was, but it was pretty magical.

I: Aww! Now the funniest thing ever was when *laughs*on the show when you and Toya were..
M: I already know what you’re about to say *laughs* [referring to the flatulence incident]
I:That was the funniest thing ever! I know she was embarrassed. How did you feel about it? It was soo funny!
M: I mean I was laughing, I mean you know, I feel like I’m a real dude. I feel like if it happens off camera, then it happens on camera, it’s not really a difference. It’s real life. It happened, it was funny. I still mess with her about it. I be coming up with nicknames for her about that. But other than that it was real, it just happened to happen on camera. It was funny that night, the whole house was laughing. The cameramen, everybody was laughing because it was funny. I was reading peoples tweets saying what they would’ve done, but it wasn’t a deal breaker, you know what I mean?  That was so minor to everything we are to each other. It was like a brush off the shoulder. It was funny and we moved on to the next thing.

I: Women are always worried about keeping things “fresh” and exciting. What are some ways to do that?
M: Going to places that you’ve never went, looking for places that you’ve never went, looking for food that you’ve never eaten. Looking for experiences that you’ve just haven’t done… it’s so many things to do in the world. For me, I kinda contribute it to who I am, me being a Sagittarius I just want to live a full life. Like when I get outta here I want people to say “Oh, that dude lived a full life.” It’s really like too many things to do in the world that could be done, that I haven’t done that I would want to share with my wife. I get to show her things based on things I’ve done.

I: What do you think a guy’s pet peeve about women is? I hear so many different things.
M: I’ll go back to that selfish thing. Selfishness. A lot of guys, they give themselves. I don’t think women understand that guys look for the same things out of them, that women look for out of guys.  If a guy does things for you, or is known to do certain things for you then.. if it’s 50/50, then it’s 50/50. I don’t think this is something that needs to be talked about. You got a lot of girls that just want things done for them.  Not returning the actions, I think that’s a big pet-peeve for guys. Selfishness.

I: You say that guys look for the same thing in women as women do for men. What is that?
M: Doing nice things or, thinking about them when they’re not even thinking about themselves. Just being on point, you know? It don’t gotta be a match for match thing but every once in a while a lady needs to let that man know that she is thinking about them.  Not just buying things, but like thinking about things, or thinking ahead of time. It don’t gotta be a holiday for you to do this or a birthday for you to do that.  You just did it because you were like “Oh, I was just thinking about my man today”.  Cuz that’s what dudes do. That’s what women love to see out of a man. A man that does things just because. Men look for the same thing but a lot of women feel like it’s all about them. That’s when things start going wrong. He’s not gonna say anything about it, but he’s gonna feel it. He’s gonna feel like it’s all about her like, “Ok, I see where this is going.”

I: The Reddlipstick Blog is a blog based on Bold Femininity. Do men like BOLD females?
M: I think guys like different things out of different women. But when a guy is looking for an actual soulmate? I think he’s looking for a woman that can stand up for herself. I know I hate pushovers. A woman that’s gonna be on my side, a woman that I can call my “Ride or Die”? Yes, she needs to have a little toughness to her but at the same time she is still a girl, she’s still a lady. But at the same time she is not a pushover. But she will let you know when she’s feeling HOW she’s feeling. No matter what that feeling is.

I: On a more serious note, I know you had your dad around for you when you were a teenager. What advice do you have for guys that didn’t have that growing up?
M: I think they should find a guy who DID come up around his dad, or did get that “Man Training”, I feel like I got enough man training from my dad to know what my responsibilities as a man are around the house, workplace, with my kids. You got a lot of dudes who didn’t get that Man Training from their Dad, they only got that from their Mom, but a Mom can’t teach a boy how to be a man. So I think they should find somebody that they look up to, or they know came up with their dad and got full Man Training, and try to hang around that person. You are who you hang around. It could be somebody their same age who actually came up with their father, they could do things a little differently and you pick up on what they do. It could somebody older, it could be an Uncle. Just watch and see what type of things they feel like they gotta do, like, what time should they be home, or when they go to work, or what bills they gotta pay, or what they do around the house, or how they keep the house together. The things THEY DO, versus the things a woman does around the house. Or how they are around their kids, what they mean to the kids versus what a woman means to the kids.

I: What about women who didn’t have that in the house? You said earlier that women tend to date men who are like their father, if they didn’t have that example, what do you think they should do?
M: I think they should do the same thing. They should find a women figure that did. It’s a lot of people in the world that didn’t come up with their father figure, but it’s a lot of people that did. You don’t have to take everything from them because that’s their own personality, just certain traits that they have. Just listen to certain things they would tell you about how they would react based on how they grew up or how they were trained to react. Like, “Don’t be so flattered for the way dudes flash things into front of you” or “Don’t be so flattered at first sight”, or what to look for when you feel like it’s real. I think you have to find that person that you trust, and be around. It may be at your job or school, or whatever. Find that figure that you feel like you can relate to, that you’re the closest with that DID come around their father, and try to pick out as much as you can from them. And pray, first of all. And slow down. Find someone that they can look up to that are the same sex as they are. 

MeMpHiTz had me laughing throughout this ENTIRE interview! This knowledge was definitely valuable and delivered in a easygoing way! Make sure you visit MeMpHiTz website: WWW.DOWORKENT.COM, check out the artists, merchandise, and more! The website ITSELF is pretty hot too. 
Follow him on Twitter! @MeMpHiTz


India A. Hill said...

Are you glad you received this GREAT advice!

mz.mayakay said...

im so glad to be toya memphiz niece