The saying that we as women know ALL too well, and that we have learned to except. Let's face it. The mama gave birth to the man that you love that was most likely saying this either to you, or in reference to you. They have been through it all together, as mother and son, those two against the world. And even if the potential wife, mother of his kids comes into his life, she will still always come 2nd to his mommy. Fair right? In some cases. But others...
This is okay, and understandable in most cases. you probably have a very good relationship with your guy's mom and know your place in his mind. Plus, your not married to him yet, and in the Bible it only says AFTER Marriage should the Wife and Daugher come before the Mother.
BUT, one of two things could create a problem for this: Your future Mother-In-Law is terrible and unreasonable, but your guy is in total and complete denial about it. OR, your married to your guy and you are STILL coming in a very far 2nd to his mother.
If you and Mom don't get along, you might as well kiss the relationship goodbye if you are dating a Black Man. The acceptance by the Mom is the ultimate approval stamp of any woman. Mom knows best. Even if she is completely catty, or just dislikes you for no reason, you better find a way around it. But if your married to his man or about to be, and are still constantly getting push aside for the mother (in the essence of TD Jakes' movie, Jumping The Broom) THIS is a problem.
TD Jakes addressed this issue to a T in the movie. For most of alot of young men in the black community, growing up he not only had to be his mother's son, but also play the role of The Man of the House as well; i.e. FATHER FIGURE and HUSBAND to the Mother, forming a closer than close bond between the two of them that is virtually unbreakable (think Tasha and Malik).Why though? Because sadly, alot of Black Men today grew up in single parent households, only having the mother, and having to have the mind set of taking care of her at an early age. Basically already relaying his Husband duties on his mother. So when that potential Wife does come around in the future? She's already coming to fill that 2ND spot in his heart.
Which in turn has the same effect on the Mother; if she does get re-married, her husband will already be coming for that 2nd spot as well.
ANOTHER one of the MANY complexes that come from Single-Parent Households. Men (and women) have GOT to do a better job of keeping the family together! And to decipher the difference of the role that a MOTHER plays and of a WIFE.
DON'T get me wrong; a mother should definitely hold a special place in a Man's heart, she gave birth to him. A wife should get a place just as special for giving birth to his own kids one day.
XOXO
4 comments:
Questions? Comments?
This a really good article..cuz it happns alot n the society we live in today..it also help us men who does hav this issue.. c it from a womens perspective..n how she feel about the whole thing..but this is good..great job!
yes!
If your man is a mama's boy, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! There were times when I had to check to see if my mother-in-law was in bed with us. Even though she has long since passed away, I must still put up with her hideous picture stand with all the family pictures she brought with her when she came to live with us. My husband fell into deep depression when I suggested making it a plant stand and putting it on the patio. I could handle it if she had been a kind hearted person, but she was a total bitch. She cursed like a sailor, drank, and destroyed all of her children's marriages. She said my husband was her father. husband, son, everything to her. She accused me of having an affair with my brother-in-law (trying to kill two marriages with one stone). My husband knew she was a bitch, but made excuses. I remained in the marriage for the sake of my children. Big mistake! My daughter and son both refuse to get married. Both take antidepressants. I'm on two antidepressants and an anti-anxiety medication. Why don't I leave? Can't afford it. Learn from me and get out while you can.
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